Releasing Hurt
Lives life in full recognition of the forgiveness won on the cross.
Heart
Have you ever been hurt by someone so deeply that it seemed next to impossible to let that hurt go? You might know rationally that your former friend is truly and heartily sorry for what they did to you, but you just cannot let go of the pain. Due to our fallen nature, this is unfortunately all too common.
To help understand the impact that takes place when we are unable or unwilling to let go of past pain, imagine that our pain and hurt take physical form as heavy bags and suitcases. We know what it is like to try and move around a busy airport with too much luggage, especially when traveling with kids. As parents, we know the challenge of traveling with our own luggage plus our kids’ bags. I once had the shoulder strap of my laptop bag break while trying to run from one flight to the next across much too much airport real estate in far too little time. Thankfully this happened on a solo trip. I can only imagine the added challenge that I would have had to deal with if my strap broke while traveling as a family.
When traveling somewhere or moving from one place to another taking our baggage with us makes sense. Yet, even when moving across town or across the country, we do go through the process of evaluating what we keep and what we discard as no longer needed. My family recently made a move from Southern California to Northern California and even after we arrived at our new home, found that some of the stuff that we (ok really it was me far more than my wife) brought with us really was not necessary to hang on to. If we had to do this kind of moving to things every day the process would become tiresome. We can use that image to understand what carrying our hurts does to us.
I used to use this as an illustration for youth. To prepare, I would bring a variety of suitcases and bags and have them placed out in front of the group. I’d find the biggest guy in the youth group and ask him how many bags he thought he could hold. Then I would start adding bags onto his outstretched arms. Wanting to look strong and impress his friends (and the girls, of course) he would attempt to take on as many bags as possible. Once his arms were fully loaded, I’d congratulate him and then turn back to the larger group ready to move on with my lesson. I’d attempt to just leave him standing there as long as possible. No matter how strong the kid was, there was naturally a point at which his arms had to give out.
That’s life carrying around our past hurts. In Psalm 103, David helps us to understand how God’s forgiveness works. In verse 12, David explains that as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. God understands our need to release our hurt. When we carry our pain with us our heart remains unable to work properly. We are less able to receive love from one another. We are less likely to be able to trust one another.
When our kids find themselves in a place where they are unable to release their hurt, we need to take the time to examine their hearts with them. This can take a lot of time sifting through their feelings seeking to move past the presenting reasons for their resistance to the true, deeper realities they are struggling with.
What do I mean by differentiating between presenting reasons and deeper struggles? Especially when they are young, our kids may not have the words to articulate the emotions that come with feeling hurt. As a parent, our job is to help draw out the words that our kids have to attempt to articulate the pain and hurt that they have experienced. For some of our kids, the process of putting words to their feelings may have to begin with the assurance of a good hug or a snuggle to help them know they are loved. Filling up their love tank can help prepare them for the task of expressing their hurt feelings.
It is vitally important that we let our children know that having and expressing feelings is not a bad thing. Work with your child to help them learn how to express their feelings in a healthy way, aiding them to be able to verbalize what they are experiencing so that you can help them gain perspective of their feelings. Acknowledging together the feelings that we all experience in our hearts is a first step toward healing those hurts.
